In my last post, I wrote about how saying “no” to others is really saying “yes” to ourselves. But knowing when to say “no” and knowing how to say it are difficult - especially when someone puts you on the spot or is relentless in their request. Saying “no” in these situations can make us feel uncomfortable, uncaring, disinterested. But “no” is really none of those things; it’s simply a boundary we set that says, “this isn’t for me”. Personally, I find that practicing how to best say “no” is a valuable way to prepare me to do it gracefully when needed. I feel like I’ve finessed this process during my 9-5 and am able to confidently and kindly decline sales calls and offers kindly (even when they're rather persistent)...but I realized recently that I hadn't fully transferred this skill over to my personal life. When I thought about it, the tactics I use to say "no" in my professional life translate rather well to personal situations as well. Here are my best tips for helping yourself to say “no” gracefully:

My name is Amanda and I am a recovering people pleaser“yes” person, and be everywhere / do everything gal. Saying “no” makes me feel kind of uncomfortable. Case in point: I recently made the conscious choice to say “no” to a seemingly simple request. Saying “yes” would have been the easy, people-pleaser thing to do, but I’ve been working really hard to become protective of my time and, based on my own criteria, the request was a “no”.

Since I’m (always) being honest, I’ll admit that I didn’t handle the “no” very gracefully...I felt compelled to explain myself and when the other person wouldn’t take “no” for an answer... I snapped (eek). Losing my cool is a sure sign that I have some reflection to do (I know, I know; we’re all human, but I am human who has gotten freaking good at self-reflection and unpacking things that disrupt my good vibes).

When I started to feel like drinking culture was no longer serving me a few years ago, I was admittedly resistant about being “sober” because of the social stigma I held around the label. I didn’t want to be “sober” because I didn’t want to have a “problem”. As it turns out, you don’t have to have an addiction-level “problem” with alcohol for it to be a “problem” in your life.

It’s officially summer, which means many of us are planning an adventure or relaxing getaway. Vacations are traditionally a time to cut loose, relax or explore new places and experience a new culture. For most people, this means gluttonous eating and drinking. I gave up the latter almost 18 months ago and have navigated the waters of sober vacationing many times since - and always with a travel companion (or companions) who were decidedly not sober.

Whether you’re newly alcohol-free, working through recovery, or just trying to be more mindful - getting outside of your normal routine can be a test of your commitment to sobriety. You are surrounded by messages that suggest you deserve a drink to relax or that you need to have a cocktail to be normal. Here are my tops for rocking a group vacation when you are (the only one) not drinking.

I found myself holding space recently for a friend who was going through a confusing time in a romantic relationship which she felt might be coming to an end. I felt deep compassion for her because I’d been where she was; sitting in a gray area of uncertainty and anxiety…

What I wished for my friend (and what I wish for anyone going through a similar situation) is that she would come to know these four important truths about relationships:

How living alcohol-free has helped me elevate my expectations & priorities in every area of life.

There is no way I could have imagined how much giving up booze would transform my life. Sure, I’ve been on my a-game both physically and mentally; a level of vibrancy which was not my reality as a drinker. However, I would have never dreamt that giving up alcohol would be the best decision I ever made...and one that would become the catalytic mechanism for growth and higher standards in all other areas of my life.

How to make the most of the single life & prepare yourself for the relationship you want. 

I can attest that as I've become more intentional with how I spend my time as a single gal, I've become more understanding and aware of why this time exists. To say I'm grateful would be an understatement. My singleness has provided me with tremendous opportunities for personal growth; I've accepted them all as graciously as possible. I know, with certainty that this time has made me a stronger individual and prepared me to be more present in all areas of life; especially to be a better partner. As a result, I know I have a lot to give and will add value to all relationships - romantic or not - and I seek for the same in others.

...And Why I Wonder If They’re Changing Modern Dating For the Worst

Last week, I deleted all dating apps off of my phone...this isn’t the first time. It isn’t that I’m not interested in dating or finding “the one,” I simply couldn’t commit to the dating lifestyle that I felt dating apps encourage or the energy-investment they required. I’ll begin by saying, I think I have one of the most optimistic outlooks on life out of anyone you might meet. For the most part, I approach life from a glass half full, sunshine and rainbows, anything is possible, the Universe is working in your favor point of view. But, I’ve also committed to cutting out or minimizing behaviors, habits, and relationships that don’t contribute to the positive-energy, high-vibe, mindful lifestyle I strive to live.

...The Hidden Answer That Actually Surprised Me

Today I received an email from a reader who resonated with my decision to quit drinking (if you’re new here, I stopped drinking back in January of 2017 as an experiment and decided to make it a new way of living. As of today, I’ve been alcohol-free for 463 days...but who's counting? Read more posts on this topic here.). The reader closed their email with this pondering, “Why did I ever drink in the first place?”

Yesterday, I posted about living on purpose, a concept I know many of of us struggle with. Through my own journey of personal growth; it’s a topic I’ve become tremendously passionate about. But passion and learning have not omitted me from struggling with the concept. It’s easy to become distracted or discouraged. Shiny opportunities show up and I’m tempted to detour, things don’t work out as quickly or as cleanly as I’d like, other’s opinions and judgements make me feel discouraged or question my path and capabilities. This uncertainty is all the work of the ego - the loud, opinionated, fearful part of the mind that would convince us it’s necessary to follow the path of fear and struggle. Recently, I’ve been presented with multiple opportunities for growth when it comes to work and money. While some are easy to interpret and figure out, others are challenging to the ego and require a lot of reflection and contemplation.

Hopefully this is no surprise to you, but our bodies are full of energy. Whether you’re familiar with chi, chakras, auras, meridians, or some other “life force” energy; the common consensus is that this energy flows through all beings in order to maintain health and wellness in mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual capacities.

Just as we have our own energy, we exchange energy with one another when we engage in relationships.

Cutting the Cord on Technology and Focusing on Real Life Connections

I was talking with one of my closest friends the other day about how she was struggling to form real connections and friendships after a recent move. She’d been trying to double dip and start friendships with ladies in her industry; which wasn’t working out. She also shared how she was a member of several local industry groups on Facebook, but wanted to leave them because they took up too much time, were full of drama, and weren’t helping her to develop any real life friendships. In fact, if anything, the online scene was creating a false sense of camaraderie with some...and discouraging her from ever wanting to associate with others.

I’ve lived in Austin since the Fall of 2015 - it’s a vibrant city known for its funky, eclectic (and sometimes super weird) culture. The city has a little of something for everyone - especially when it comes to great restaurants and nightlife. As one of the nation's fastest growing cities, a host to two major festivals, and a frequent destination for bachelor/bachelorette parties; it isn’t too difficult to find a place to grab a good cocktail in Texas’ capital city. Finding a great spot that offers alcohol-free options that go beyond “virgin” cocktails (which is actually code for club soda and syrup) is a bit of a different story.

Today is the day - my 365th consecutive day without a single drop of alcohol. No cheat days, no “tastes,” nothing. I’ve written a lot about being sober. A LOT. In fact, if you’ve milled around my blog much, you’d probably think that it was a blog about sobriety, or being in recovery, but it’s not. When I started this blog, the intention was to share my own path to finding a more meaningful life - a life where I felt deeply connected to myself, spirit, and those around me; a life where I allow myself to shine and encourage others to do the same.

7 Pro Tips to Make Your Break from Booze a Success

Committing to staying sober for 30 consecutive days may seem like a lifetime - especially as your friends continue about their lives (or maybe worse, commit to Dry January and fall off the wagon a few days in!). Changing your own habits when others around you are not can be very challenging. However, I can promise - from personal experience - that completing a sober stretch will be extremely rewarding. I completed Dry January in 2017 (which inevitably led to a longer sober stretch for me personally) and have several pro tips to help you make your month without alcohol a huge success. Approaching this challenge with the right mentality and tools is the best way to set yourself up for success.

The Art of Loving Where You Are - Especially During the Holidays

The holidays are traditionally a time for reminiscing. As the year winds to a close, we are tempted to reflect back on our past and contemplate our future rather than living in the present. Though purposeful reflection and visualization can be completely productive exercises, this is not typically the tone of what is happening in our own headspace. Rather, we replay situations, reminisce about past relationships, dig up old wounds, or dream of what is to come. While reflection and visualization are meditative states, the alternative is the groundwork for mental chaos.

I logged into my first dating app a little over two years ago after moving to Austin, TX. At the time, I was living it up on the social scene and meeting a match out for a drink was the norm. Then, in January of 2017, I decided to do an extended period of sobriety. What went from a 30-day stint to a 90-day stint turned to a whole year. This left me with two options: go on zero dates for a year or figure out how to date sober. While I seriously considered the first option, I didn’t truly know if I’d go back to drinking after my year-long hiatus. So, I decided to choose the latter option and figure out how to date sober.

I can say, with certainty, that I lived my best life in the last year. I can also say, with full clarity, that the single most important step I took to realize that life was cutting out alcohol. Without the presence of booze I have been healthier, happier, more productive, a better friend, and a stronger person. Have I always hit the mark? No, absolutely not. I’ve had bad days and lazy days and days where I said or did the “wrong” thing. I’ve had days where I was selfish, judgmental, or rude to others. I’ve had days where I was sad, lonely, unsure, or anxious. The beauty is, I found that I was able to bounce back to a space of peace, clarity, and happiness much more quickly without the presence of alcohol.

Sober vacation. Precisely the phrase I Googled as I packed my bags for a seven day trip to Mexico and Cuba. At 31, this was not only my first international trip, but also my first bona fide adult vacation...and I planned to do it sober. So, there I was, turning to Google to confirm my decision and make a gameplan (totally normal, right?). Here are the top five drinking myths I had to debunk before embarking on my sober vacation: